Month: February 2019

childhood home

I look out the window and see that wall we used to climb over to visit the neighbor’s kids.

Looking up, I can almost imagine old friends sitting atop it, shouting at us across the yard to come join them.

Walking out to the backyard, I feel the glow of sunshine and nostalgia mix on my skins.

I dip my fingers into the pool and I am immersed in memories.

The pool fights and the time my tears mixed in the water as I cried over some childhood tragedy.

It’s been a while since I’ve swum in the deep end. I can’t remember the last time I’ve dipped more than a few limbs into the water. It must be months now, maybe even years.

I look to the back fence of the yard, to the empy area where a wooden playground used to stand – taken down a few years ago as the kids grew up and the wood grew moldy.

The yellow sunshine still dances the same way amongst the clouds, reflected in the darkening patches of grass.

The nature and temperament around me are the same as seemingly thousands of summer’s past.

At least that has stayed the same.

want

I can’t seem to figure out what I want anymore.

maybe it’s because I’m too caught up in trying to figure you out –

what do you want? who do you want?

 

maybe the simple fact is that I’m not it.

but I hope in vain

that’s not

true.

evasive

What is love but a sentiment that seems to evade most of humanity?

Intertwined in the basis of all our lives, it is also something we happen to leave out the most. It is invisible in our most obvious actions – but underlying in our intentions.

I should have liked to fall in love, had I believed myself capable of such depth and vulnerability.

But the strongest hearts are the hardest to break through (at least that is what I tell myself). Perhaps, instead, it is my weakness that forces me to safeguard myself – for fear that I might break.

Either way, a great emotion pains me to think, to feel, to be (or not to be) who I am.