As children we stand on our tippy-toes

trying to get a peep at the future ahead.

So eager to be older,

we forget to live our youths.

But if someone had said adulthood

would knock you right down to your bottom

and force you to learn how to walk again

perhaps i would not have been so eager

to take those foolishly excited steps

into adulthood.


If she were to break

it would not be a sharp shattering of glass

nor a quick clean snap like a bittersweet bar of chocolate.

If she were to break

it would not be a slow, subtle crumble

durt down a mountainside.

If she were to break

it would be a slow, steady mudslide,

bringing down all aspects of her life to the bottom of the hill

all mixed together in the dirt, irreparable.

You cannot pick everything up after a mudslide and put it back exactly as it was.

You move it away, bury the dirt elsewhere, and build on top of it.

But it will never be exactly as it was.


It’s hard for me to admit,

but the hardest part about being in this relationship wasn’t opening up

it wasn’t one of those cliché problems of feeling secure or safe around you

no, the problem for me was that I felt too open, secure, and safe too soon.

the problem was convenience.

I began to loose track of whether we were together because of passionate love or lazy comfortablility.

Easy can be good – and bad.

And I wanted the challenge,

I wanted someone who was a little bit bad for me.

Too bad it’s too late.


My feelings for you swing back and forth like a child on a swing set

Up – the joyful glee of soaring through the air

Pure happiness in the moment with you

Down – the uncertainty and the power of free-fall

Doubts racing past my eyes

The intensity scares me.


Will we go up again or will we tumble off the swing,

crashing to the mulch below,

leaving scars on our scratched-up knees like old